Met with Dan for awhile today to go over version 33. Dan didn't have any major structural things so we fine tuned a bit. His comments:
>First line of narration should have more data/technical points
>Leave Rube Goldberg into in limbo as it is now. Dan calls this the "Star Wars crawl."
>Bring Gracie in earlier so her appearance at the end isn't too much of a surprise.
>Can emphasize connection between Ben putting items together in red room and the tape by intercutting words with the tape.
>Make the completion of the tape obvious. Highlight its thingness.
>Set up bridge scene by putting maybe books spilling out of a satchel. Pages reiterating "ex nihilo."
>Ending we came up with: We see burned and charred items. Raindrops start to fall. Ping. Ping. Now we're indoors. We hear more pinging. We see some of the crazy flyers that Ben is writing. Now we see Ben typing. He types out his last line.
>Consider the parallels in the structure. Wonder always turns to fear.
>The temp pads aren't bad considering. The main problem is that they saturate the mood leaving nowhere to go. By reducing/thinning out in final product, it will allow Dan to emphasize the 'scary' parts. Right now, everything sounds mysterious.
>Extend print shop exterior shot.
>Make sure Gracie walks out of the red room.
>Bring devils into the codex video.
>my note: emphasize "medieval period breaking down"
Reminder to Dan: make sure off-screen spinner crash matches the video rewind segment.
Dan and Ben both reinforced my idea that the connection between the tape assembly and the final exposition video needs to be stronger.
Ben didn't have too many comments besides that. He had the good idea that one way to bring Gracie in earlier is to have Ben talking to her on the phone and looking at her picture. Maybe she's on a trip or something.
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