I was at the Honda dealership again this morning reading a free copy of USA Today while waiting for the shuttle. There's something about USA Today that got me thinking about the Tonight Show algorithm. A few years ago I realized that there is a formula you can use to create 90% of all Tonight Show jokes. You simply take two topical events and then link them together in some sort-of sensible way. So, for example, in today's paper there was an article about toxic Chinese food imports. Link that with the Iraq war and you get this—and from the war front today.... the Pentagon's newest surge tactics involve bombing Baghdad with packages of Chinese fish.
OK, not that funny, but seriously, is Jay Leno really that funny? The above line is actually based on a really old Carson-era joke that went something like... and the Pentagon's newest tactic in the Afghanistan war involves driving hundreds of Pintos backwards. This was back when Ford's Pinto subcompact was known for its gas tank that exploded when rear ended.
Here's the rest of what I came up with...
Paris Hilton's in the news again. Now that she's out of prison, the first thing she wants to do is spend time with her parents, finish her community service and get in line to buy a new iPhone. Did you hear about the iPhone craze that's sweeping the country? The iPhone is an amazing new cellphone that lets you talk on the phone, listen to music, watch videos, and connect to the internet. Planned updates include faster download times and the ability to make Evan Almighty funny.
OK, maybe it's not in my future to be a comedy writer. But it's amazing the amount of time I spend seriously thinking about things like this. I think that inefficient, non-instrumental wondering is important and in the long run is really productive. It's something I hope that we can retain even as I bemoan its loss in our educational institutions.
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