Remember Uzumaki, the film I said looked like something I would make? I just noticed the customer reviews from Netflix. They're pretty much all like this—
>Amateur night with a video cam. This is so bad it makes the original "Pulse" look like a masterpiece! It can't decide whether it wants to be silly, shocking, or just average. Underneath the bad acting, directing, lighting, effects... there is a great idea for a horror movie!
>I couldn't get into it. It had a kind of Jeunet cartoon quality that I sometimes like, but in the wrong ways.
>The film is ugly looking. It's shot almost entirely in vomit-hued shades of green and the flat lifeless cinematography and overreliance on dutch angles and other "trick shots" give every scene a stale quality. The only possible way to have made the movie any more drab and lifeless would have been to take still photographs of the panels from the manga on which the film was based and assemble them into a feature.
>Movie totally lacked plot, no believability, acting sucked!!!!!!!! No character delevelopment.... I'd grade this an F+ (the + because the actors didn't quit) if I was this naive director's film instructor. Read TV guide instead.
>My initial impressions after viewing this movie can be expressed mainly using just three words: LAME, BORING and STUPID... I think the director actually had intended to make a noticeably B movie at first (silly, but intentional seeming zooms, etc.), then got lost in the idea that what he was creating was art (it's not).
>But this..this is what i imgine would be produced if a 14 year old had been given this script, a budget, and told to go wild.
>Uzumaki is a series of vignettes strung together with high school angst dialogue and events. If you are 14, you might like this. If you're older (say, uh, FIFTEEN!!) you'll probably need to be a J-horror or film aficionado to appreciate the cinematography.
***
On Rottentomatoes, the film gets 55%—an almost-perfect mixed review. However, they just LOVE it on Amazon. I'm debuting all my films on Amazon.
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