Mona is a good person for feedback since she hasn't seen much of the film but has a good understanding of what I'm after + she's seen a lot of video and film, both traditional and experimental.
>Her main comment was that I don't need as much expository narration, it makes enough sense without a lot of it. Specifically, she mentioned that we don't need "a crow... a symbol of death..." In a sense, what she's doing is asking for a return to the film's roots—to create a wave of sensual and intellectual experience.
> She hated the temp music. She said it makes it sound like Titanic. Hopefully that will soon be taken care of.
> She liked the way the desert scenes were corrected. She thinks the early shots of the spinner in the workroom were too clean.
>She said the beginning didn't make sense to her. Apparently my attempt to crib together a sequence of left-over pieces didn't work. So I'll probably cut that down.
>Like a lot of other people, she thought the dark clouds stuck out, like a clip I purchased. I'll probably replace with blowing desert trees or something.
>She agreed with Ben that the desert tower should come out to make it look more isolated.
>She's the first person to notice the spot on the lens in one shot. She thinks that should be corrected.
>I asked her if she thought there were any bad acting moments. She said no.
>She thought the visuals were nice.
>She really liked the microfiche sequence.
>She couldn't see the stars in the master shot. I may need to make that more apparent.
>The way I did the burning scene didn't work for her. I'll try to put the white noise on top of it to make it match the existing cartoon footage better.
>She said it didn't make her sleepy and that it seemed shorter than its 16 minute running time.
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