I've been looking at the last cut of noise film. I think I need to make some adjustments to the beginning of the film. The first sequence is really complex, too many ideas going on. It needs to be simpler—Ben comes in, sees stars generated and then thinks about it. Go to black. I'm thinking that the "dead spinner" moment may not be that important. It seems like the important thing is not "oh no, it stopped!" but "I guess it wasn't really a perpetual motion machine, let's move on." Maybe there needs to be a "let's put childish things away" voice over and do the discovery, fixing, and covering in hindsight. Cut out the ramp-up shot. Right now I think Ben is too credulous. He needs to be more incredulous about the perpetual motion idea.
I may need to extend the "thrill of ordinary life" scene. Maybe Ben playing with baby Sara on the grass. No—that would be a montage. No montages. OK, maybe that replaces Ben eating. We'll see. Need to edit in lots of shots of the minutae of the print shop. Extend it. Then, bam! Moment. I think my greatest fear is that everything is moving too fast, that I'm trying to do too much in 15 minutes.
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