We now have a contest with entries from Ben and David. Erik, John and anyone else... enter soon!
Ben and David, feel free to address the following in a comment somewhere. These are just the off-the-top-of-my-head responses.
Ben
This plot outline reminds me of the classic Star Trek episode Errand of Mercy, which sucks us into believing that the aliens are passive and incompetent. At the end, though, we find that we're the ones who are the problem. Great meaning, but dramatically not too strong. First, as Hitchcock points out, audiences generally want to be in the superior position (e.g., they know a bomb is going off but the characters don't). They often resent being put in an inferior position. Second, and more important, is that these kinds of stories are often dramatically weak. The audience participation aspect is involving, but the characters on screen sometimes don't have much to do. So what happens after Valerie says "I agree with the director." Where does all that energy and momentum go? Also, there's the risk of creating an artificial buildup. If I'm the audience I might be inclined to think "why didn't the trainers just talk to Valerie before they got high and mighty?" It seems the story depends too much on this one twist and may not have enough drama to sustain momentum.
David
I like the audition segment but I'm wondering what this would actually look like. Keep in mind that Valerie's just a janitor without real access to the animals. Is this a full fledged whale show or a more realistic interaction with the whale? How would Valerie's genius come across? Also, if Valerie is such a lone wolf, then why would she let herself get involved in an audition in the first place? Wouldn't she resist that sort of thing? Also, your story implies (a bit) that Valerie likes to use her position as a charity case to get things. Actually a few undergrads are like that. They present themselves as weak, underprivileged minorities and then depend on the charity of instructors to get by. It would be interesting to see this developed. The drugs/alcohol angle seems a bit superimposed on the story structure. Traditionally, the ending should be surprising yet inevitable. The drugs are surprising, but not yet inevitable.
6 comments:
So what is this a contest or a round table?
To me the fun part is trying to figure out something that could actually work. Plus, don't you want to win the exciting prize????
The audience is only partially and momentarily in the out of the loop position. One of the reasons for this is that in shows like this the majority of viewers are, and are meant to be, identifying with the nubile young trainers. So the audience is out of the loop WITH the trainers the ones around whom the show will always primarily revolve. Let's face it, a show revolving around a chumpy Mexican maid or an officious director would not be this one. These characters can swoop into the lime light only fleetingly and then hurdle of to nowhere while the sexy youngsters process their all important thoughts and feelings. The reason that they wouldn't approach Valerie is that in spite of their outrage they like (and actually in this story much MORE than the director) have underlying prejudices of their own. Sexy hot white surfer marine trainer's don't hang out with chumpy Mexican maids. This is just one of the dramas playing out in my multi-layered masterpiece of pulp. Race: consternation about the directors comments, and about how to approach an ugly minority. After the one big reveal (what my friend John calls the 'oh shit' moment) there is another minor reveal in the developing relationship between Valerie and the trainer's higher ups. Which leads to another point of drama: Class distinction. While they were happy to be on poor Valerie's side when she was the lowly maid they're a bit jealous and conflicted about Valerie their potential boss, more powerful mysterious person etc. Either way this leaves the focus of the show and ensuing shows squarely on the chiseled, voluptuous, conflicted trainers. Adding variety to the points of view within their circle only further charges the drama and opens up sub-plot opportunities.
OK, I get it. So Valerie is really a means to further develop the principal characters. The arc of one of the trainers would be something like--Valeries's just a lowly janitor... wait, she's a romantic whale charmer... wait, she's just who she is.
OK, all good questions, let's lock down some things. Valerie is good, but not goody-two-shoes. Checkered past? Check! Streak of bad girl? Check! Manipulative? Only when backed into a corner. (Why am I talking like Donald Rumsfeld? It is not knowable.) She is jaded, and yes, she definitely thinks this whole thing might be a really bad idea. The class thing is part of that - she is not interested in being somebody's pet project, she has pride. All of this is also why she plays hard-to-get around Tim. And what if she does fall for Tim?
Her marine mammal skills are not corporate taught - as a child she whispered dolphins in the wild, back home.
Good points on the audition - let's tone it down: It's in the main arena, it's quiet and only a few of the lights are on (midnight, remember). She's working with one or two mammals, and it's actually kind of boringly intimate until she pulls off a few crazy stunts. I don't know - don't we have consultants for this part?
-david
Oh, and the drug thing is inevitable because she's just too good to be true.
-david
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